If love is a wonderful feeling, life as a couple is not necessarily easy! Between the friction and the misunderstandings, we can wonder if men and women are made to live together! What if the key to happiness was to stop wanting to change others at all costs, and to accept them as they are?
In less than half a century, female and male models have changed considerably. In many aspects, men and women now tend to resemble each other more and more, erasing the specificities. However, according to John Grey, author of the book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”*, this would be the essential cause of the current failure of couple relationships. So it would be better to accept others as they are rather than wanting to make them change. This condition would even be essential for the couple to be able to “keep going.”. So, should you stop expecting the impossible?
Aliens to each other…
For John Grey, the difference between men and women would be as radical as if they were from two distant planets: their ways of communicating, acting, feeling, thinking, and loving would be completely different. Men would advocate efficiency, success, autonomy, and power and would be more interested in goals and results than in relationships and people. For women, what matters is exchange, feelings, self-giving, and intimacy.
Different basic emotional needs
Drawing on his 20 years of experience in couples therapy, John Grey draws up a list of the emotional priorities of men and women involved in a romantic relationship. In other words, it defines what they need to feel loved and fulfilled in their relationship. According to him, women would expect above all attention, listening, understanding, respect, attachment, recognition, and acceptance of their feelings (of their changing moods too). Men, for their part, would ask above all for admiration, approval, trust, and to be appreciated as they are (without anyone trying to change them).
Suffice it to say that in the face of such divergences, misunderstandings, and conflicts, the number is innumerable. Disagreements are inevitable if each expects the other to have interests and romantic behaviour identical to their own!
Evolve together…
Rediscovering that we are radically different and taking into account the needs of each person would therefore be the first steps to take to give your relationship a chance. Understanding the spouse and accepting him avoids accumulating frustrations, resentments, and disappointments for everything we expect and that does not come (or not as we wish). In addition, this better understanding makes it possible to offer others what they need.
It is only once this mutual understanding has been established that the couple can move forward. Men and women are then ready to evolve and make the small concessions essential to developing a relationship that is satisfactory and strong enough to withstand bad weather.
It is therefore up to you to demonstrate openness, tolerance, and respect, These qualities will be useful to you in not only your relationship but also in your life in general!
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