Breakup regret: While most separations are carefully considered, it sometimes happens that regrets arise and nostalgia invades the hearts of those who have decided to rebuild their lives elsewhere. Should we allow ourselves to be overcome by such feelings? Is it really wise to want to pick up the pieces?
Although there are many testimonials on the web, in reality, leaving your partner is rarely done on a whim. ” As a general rule, there is a trigger. You don’t leave your partner when you feel good as a couple You may realize that you are no longer happy at all and that you can no longer stand the relationship. “others, or even falling in love with another person. In all cases, we dream of a better life,” analyzes Patricia Delahaie. Sometimes, a single life or a new romance can turn out to be disappointing, hence the emergence of regrets. ” In general, what was unbearable can seem bearable in hindsight. And if you are not happier after the breakup, that increases the number of questions. But to console yourself, you can say to yourself that if you were once again in this relationship, what we disliked would continue to annoy us,” adds Patricia Delahaie.
The regret of a comfortable life
For our expert, regrets can also be explained by the fact that a couple is not just love. It is also the comfort of life, friends, and family. “When we leave someone, we don’t always anticipate this aspect because we focus on the absence of feelings. So in the case of these people who have left their spouse, it is sometimes more the way of life that is regretted,” analyzes the specialist.
According to her, regrets are generally temporary, like when a young woman leaves an established romantic relationship and finds herself alone in front of her screen, scouring dating sites and going on “crappy” speed dates until the day she ends up finding the right person. We can therefore regret having left our partner for 6 months, but tell ourselves that in the end, it was the right decision two years later.
A question of self-confidence
For the psychosociologist, this ability to project oneself into a happy future without the ex-spouse also depends on the level of self-confidence. ” If we have enough self-confidence, we are convinced that we will rebuild our lives, that we have the strength. Conversely, if we lack it, we can tell ourselves that “we have done something stupid, which we will not recover as well, and which we will no longer make friends. Regrets are therefore very dependent on this vital force that we have within ourselves and on the capacity to meet new people,” continues the specialist.
Get your ex back? The falsely good idea
Getting your ex back is a fantasy that we find more among those who have been left. However, the opposite case is possible. ” It happens that we leave someone while we still love them. In this case, it is possible to come back. This happens in specific cases, like when there has been deception, for example, but “we love each other too much to live far from them. In this case, it is not a real breakup but rather a parenthesis in the relationship,” observes Patricia Delahaie.
On the other hand, getting back together with your ex because you have nothing better to choose from is a very bad idea, according to our expert. And just because the sex was fantastic with the ex-partner does not constitute sufficient grounds!
” I would say that when you decide to leave, you have to take into consideration all aspects of life together, children, friends… But if you have taken the plunge, it is not without good reason. Regrets may occur at first, but they are generally temporary. It is more constructive to try to rebuild your life rather than return to a partner you can no longer stand. Unless you are left while continuing to love each other ” concludes our expert.